General Funny

Run Away To Live With The Hillbillies

When I was a kid growing up in Kentucky we all thought that hillbillies came from Georgia and Tennessee. We had no idea that we were hillbillies ourselves. Heck, we were just regular, ordinary people, well educated on the ways of the world and just as sophisticated as anyone else in the hollow.

I remember us sitting around watching the Beverly Hillbillies on TV. That was the first time I had ever seen these funny people. I asked my mother, “Are hillbillies really like that?” She told me they sure were and that she had actually talked to one of them when she went down to Lake Norris in Tennessee about 20 years ago. He talked real funny and she could barely understand what he was saying. “Is that where they live?” I asked her. That was how I found out that hillbillies were real people and they lived in Tennessee and Georgia mostly.

General Funny Hillbilly Women

Mamaw Gerty And Merly Jean

Howdy y’all my names Gerty and sum guy done told me that if I wood write sumthin fer his website then I cud get real famus and mebee wind up gittin rich one day. Lawd, it shore wood be right nice to be livin high on the hawg! Welp, since I warnt doin nothin anyhow but apart from fatnin up these here three possums me and my bruther done catched and baby sittin fer my 16 grand chilluns so I up and decided I wood write sumthin.

My furst problim was I never did larn to read nor write, but I have a grand youngin named Merly Jean that kin write so these here words are her a writin down what I’m a tellin her.

Well let me tell you what I was mad to my soul when I lissened to my young Merly Jean read what was on this here website. If y’all dont stop makin funna us hill folks I’m a gonna get my Merly Jean to hep me make my own website and tell everbody not to go to that hillbilly crackpot website no more.  I’ll tell folks whuts the truth bout us hill folk and we dont cotton ta none o this here hillbilly crackin pot stuff. Except for what parts is about dem northners.

General Funny

Hillbilly Ways To Recycle And Be Green

Hillbillies have always recycled and been green!

Written by Granny Corder (A real live hillbilly woman!)

Although, “green” is the new in thing, hillbillies have always been green and done their part to eliminate waste from the local roadside dumps. Us hillbillies re-use everything we can until it can’t be used no more! And, then we still use it for something else. Us hillbillies are very creative!
1. When we eat corn on the cob, we’ve always used the cobs for all kinds of other useful things. We’ve made pipes out of them to smoke our homegrown tobacco. Used them for toilet paper in the outhouse and even stuck some twigs on them and made reindeers for Christmas decorations or toys!

2. When hillbillies strangle a chicken or a rooster to make that delicious Sunday chicken and dumpling dinner, we don’t allow no waste. Some hillbillies wouldn’t have even had a mattress or a pillow if it weren’t for chicken feathers!

General Funny

Funny Hillbilly Stereotypes

The list of hillbilly stereotypes is long and mostly undeserved. It is not true that every hillbilly kills their dinner with their old pickup truck. It is not true that they’re all related or uneducated. They’re not stuck out in the middle of nowhere anymore either. They have come to live in the big cities, everywhere. They shop at grocery stores and watch the same TV we all do. Though our views of the world may differ from that of a true hillbilly, we do still live in the same world. Actually, we all live in the same country.

For all the processed meats in a can, what is so wrong with wanting to know where your food comes from? At least if you hit the possum, you know what wood it lived in and you don’t have to worry about additives that can kill you. Sure beats reading all them labels at the store, but hillbillies actually shop at Wal-Mart with the rest of us. Why go through all that trouble of sitting and waiting for a possum to cross the road?

General Funny

The Lard Bucket Cowboy

What is it with all these jokes about hillbillies and farm animals? Can a farm animal really be man’s best friend? Or is that all just a myth? Well, it seems to be a little of both. Read on and you will see what I mean. Everything I am about to tell you is completely true.

One morning around the break of daylight a farmer went to his barn to tend his animals. When he walked up the hill and came around to the barn he saw a strange sight. There was this fella, about 16 years old, standing on a metal lard bucket (Yep, we used to get lard in a big metal bucket!). The bucket was turned upside down and was situated at the rear end of one of the old man’s cows. You may have already guessed it, but if not, ole Larry was servicing that heifer in a special way. When he saw the old man he jumped off that bucket with his pants around his ankles and tripped and fell before finally getting up and running away. Too late, the old man recognized him.

Happy Cow

As you can imagine it didn’t take long at all for the word to get around. The next morning a bunch of us were on the bus headed for school. We were laughing and talking about Larry as we pulled over to where he got on the bus. As soon as he boarded I started singing a song for him. It was in the tune of the Rhinestone Cowboy (By Glenn Campbell) but the words were a little different. It started out with, “Like a lard bucket cowboy…” and went in to talk about how he gave it to cows he didn’t even know. Everyone thought it was funny, except for Larry who just looked out the window and perhaps went to a “happy place” in his mind. Even the bus driver laughed.

I actually ran into ole Larry the Lard Bucket Cowboy a couple years ago. I recognized him right off the bat even though I hadnt seen him in so many years. The first thing that hit me was the urge to go, “Moooo!” as we did so many times during the heyday of the Lard Bucket Cowboy. But I didnt. We passed each other. We made eye contact for just a moment (I saw the recognition) and he looked down. I’m sure I had just reminded him of his first love; maybe he was longing for that heifer. It was both sad and romantic if you ask me.

Poor fella, I wonder how many years it took before people finally stopped riding him about it; several I’m sure. And now to top it off here it is practically 30 years later and his story is being put online! What a world… What a world… (Thanks Mel)

Remember, these stories are intended in fun. Although the names have been changed (to protect the guilty) they are absolutely true and some guys out there actually went through all this stuff and now have to live with it in their dreams. On the other hand we must also remember that farm animals are God’s chilluns too and all God’s chilluns just need some lovin’.

By D Slone, Copyright 2009

General Funny

Hillbillies and Cooking Roadkill for a Tasty Meal

Today we are going to look at the truth about Hillbilly stereotypes. Remember, every word of this is true. (or it wouldn’t be on the Internet!)

To most of America, a Hillbilly is a person, usually white, uneducated, and living in the southern United States. The word Hillbilly is sometimes used as an insult, but more commonly it’s used in a joking fashion.

How To Cook Possums

A common stereotype of Hillbilly life is that we are all inbred. Ask your self this: Is everyone in the south hideously deformed? If you answered yes, LEAVE NOW. My purpose here is to disprove all the unfair stereotypes that Hillbillies are forced to live with. All (ok, most) of these stereotypes are completely false.

A common myth is that all hillbillies live in the middle of the woods, and eat whatever they accidentally hit with their car. This is true!*

General Funny

Sheep Lover Bob

What is it with all these jokes about hillbillies and farm animals? Can a sheep really be man’s best friend? Or is that all just a myth? Well, it seems to be a little of both. Read on and you will see what I mean. Everything I am about to tell you is completely true.

Some years ago I was working with the maintenance crew at a hospital. During the summer they hired extra men, mostly for landscaping, and that was when we met Bob. Bob was in his late 40s and was about 5 foot 4 and around 120 pounds. His face and hands were reddened and weathered. You could tell he had had a fairly rough life.

Bob told us that he had spent a lot of years hitch hiking around and working on various farms from Georgia up into Kentucky. He then told us that he had had sex with just about any farm animal you could mention, but his favorite was a sheep. He told us in some detail of his nefarious adventures with such mates as goats, horses, cows, and of course sheep. Naturally we thought that was hilarious, but at the same time we wondered about a man who would actually tell this sort of thing on himself. Especially as the new man on a job.

I asked Bob whether he would prefer a woman to a sheep. He said the sheep was better! He told us that we could make fun and laugh all we wanted to as we were the ones who were missing out and he wasn’t ashamed of it.

I started pranking with old Bob and poking a little fun at him. I came out one day and yelled out, “Bob! You got a phone call in the boiler room!” He yelled back, “Who is it?” I answered, “I don’t know. They just said Baaaa Ba-a-a-a Bo-o-o-obbb!” (insert sheep sound here). Everyone got a good laugh. Bob just looked down and went back to work.

That’s been more than 20 years ago but I still remember old Bob from time to time and I even find myself saying, “Baa-a-a Bo-o-obbb”. I wonder if that old sheep lovin’ codger is still around somewhere, or perhaps he has long departed for that pasture in the sky.

By D Slone, Copyright 2009

General Funny

Hillbillies And Them Darn Uppity Northerners

Out House

I have often been asked what it is like to be a hillbilly. Well, the question isn’t usually worded quite that way but the query is the same. Even here in the “New Millennium” there is still quite a lot of ignorance out there when it comes to hillbillies. To give you an idea of what I mean I was asked by a relative who lives in Ohio (That foreign land on the other side of the great river) if I had ever heard of King’s Island. Another time I was asked if we could get cable TV where I lived.

Often people will make comments like, “I wouldn’t want to live down there because there’s nothing to do.” Well, unfortunately or not depending upon what you like, Hillbilly country is not the wilderness some may expect, at least not any more. Whether you are in Kentucky, West Virginia, Tennessee or some other state in the Hillbilly Nation you see pretty much the same shopping malls/centers, bars and clubs, fast food restaurants, arenas, etc as you do anywhere else. Heck we even have universities, airports and hospitals down here! 

General Funny

Uphill Both Ways The Good Old Hillbilly Days

Think you go it bad? When I was a kid we had to walk 10 miles through the snowy mountains to get to school. It snowed every day and we had no clothes or shoes. To make matters even worse, it was uphill both ways. I remember my parents making similar statements to me, now I am saying things like that to my own children. (Actually I have exaggerated what my parents told me, but not what I tell my children).

It’s true! The kids today have it so much easier than “we” did. It isn’t uncommon at all for a kid to have their own cell phone, a TV, stereo, game systems, computer, etc. in their room. When I was that age I had to carry feed to the live stock and draw water from a well (and it was uphill both ways).

Hillbilly Cooking

How To Cook A Possum – Old Time Possum Recipe

Interested in Cooking Some Possum?

Interested in eating possum? This page is serious. Actual Possum Recipe. Lots of tips and tricks for catching and cooking possums!

I’m not sure why but there’s just something funny about possums to northerners. Would you all laugh about a Crock-pot Beef Recipe? or a recipe for Lobster Thermidor? But when it comes to great meals like Crock-pot Possum or a Possum Stew some people find something funny  about it.

Well, I don’t know what you think about possums but us hillbillies takes ’em serious. However, the stereotype of hillbillies eating possum are over exaggerated. The truth is that in most hillbilly homes you’d be lucky to see possum on the table two or three times a week. We never have possum more than three days out of the week at my house.

Delicious Possum

Is it true that “you people” eat possums?

Once I was in Brooklyn and a guy from Staten Island asked me if it were true that “you people” eat possums. He was dead serious, I suppose he learned all about hillbillies from watching television, he had never been out of New York.

With a very serious face I told him that yes, of course we eat possums but not every day. I told him that I went two or three days in a row without getting to eat possum and now that I was working in New York I couldn’t seem to find it in any of the restaurants.

I never told him any different.

Somewhere on Staten Island there is an old dude who tells his grandchildren, “The eat possums all the time down in Kentucky. I met a real live hillbilly once…”