Month: December 2008

Categories
General Funny

Hillbillies And Them Darn Uppity Northerners

Out House

I have often been asked what it is like to be a hillbilly. Well, the question isn’t usually worded quite that way but the query is the same. Even here in the “New Millennium” there is still quite a lot of ignorance out there when it comes to hillbillies. To give you an idea of what I mean I was asked by a relative who lives in Ohio (That foreign land on the other side of the great river) if I had ever heard of King’s Island. Another time I was asked if we could get cable TV where I lived.

Often people will make comments like, “I wouldn’t want to live down there because there’s nothing to do.” Well, unfortunately or not depending upon what you like, Hillbilly country is not the wilderness some may expect, at least not any more. Whether you are in Kentucky, West Virginia, Tennessee or some other state in the Hillbilly Nation you see pretty much the same shopping malls/centers, bars and clubs, fast food restaurants, arenas, etc as you do anywhere else. Heck we even have universities, airports and hospitals down here! 

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Categories
General Funny

Uphill Both Ways The Good Old Hillbilly Days

Think you go it bad? When I was a kid we had to walk 10 miles through the snowy mountains to get to school. It snowed every day and we had no clothes or shoes. To make matters even worse, it was uphill both ways. I remember my parents making similar statements to me, now I am saying things like that to my own children. (Actually I have exaggerated what my parents told me, but not what I tell my children).

It’s true! The kids today have it so much easier than “we” did. It isn’t uncommon at all for a kid to have their own cell phone, a TV, stereo, game systems, computer, etc. in their room. When I was that age I had to carry feed to the live stock and draw water from a well (and it was uphill both ways).

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Categories
Hillbilly Cooking

How To Cook A Possum – Old Time Possum Recipe

Interested in Cooking Some Possum?

Interested in eating possum? This page is serious. Actual Possum Recipe. Lots of tips and tricks for catching and cooking possums!

I’m not sure why but there’s just something funny about possums to northerners. Would you all laugh about a Crock-pot Beef Recipe? or a recipe for Lobster Thermidor? But when it comes to great meals like Crock-pot Possum or a Possum Stew some people find something funny  about it.

Well, I don’t know what you think about possums but us hillbillies takes ’em serious. However, the stereotype of hillbillies eating possum are over exaggerated. The truth is that in most hillbilly homes you’d be lucky to see possum on the table two or three times a week. We never have possum more than three days out of the week at my house.

Delicious Possum

Is it true that “you people” eat possums?

Once I was in Brooklyn and a guy from Staten Island asked me if it were true that “you people” eat possums. He was dead serious, I suppose he learned all about hillbillies from watching television, he had never been out of New York.

With a very serious face I told him that yes, of course we eat possums but not every day. I told him that I went two or three days in a row without getting to eat possum and now that I was working in New York I couldn’t seem to find it in any of the restaurants.

I never told him any different.

Somewhere on Staten Island there is an old dude who tells his grandchildren, “The eat possums all the time down in Kentucky. I met a real live hillbilly once…”

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Categories
Hillbilly Women

Who Was The Hottest Hillbilly Girl Ever?

The Beach Boys sang about California girls, but I bet they never had the thrill of seeing a real live hillbilly girl. If they had the song would have turned out much different. I can picture the music video for Hillbilly Girls in my mind and trust me, it is hot. I would imagine that several of the women in the video would even have most of their teeth left.

Beauty
Beauty

The women on this page are the stuff that both dreams and nightmares are made of. Anyway, there are women here that will strain your eyes and make your heart skip a bit or two. I know that many of you will be tempted to right click and save, but do you really want to spread this stuff further and risk others seeing it?

You may have nightmares after you view these women. The nightmares will be triggered because you will want them so badly but not be able to have them. Remember, website women whether they be hillbilly or not are look only files so you cant squeeze them and hug them (Unless you buy very expensive software).

Anyway, enough of this rambling and on to the beautiful hillbilly gals!

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Categories
General Funny

Educational Programs For The Non-Hillbilly

Genuine Hillbillies
Genuine Imitation Hillbillies

Before television hillbillies arrived on the scene much of the non-hillbilly world knew very little about these elusive people. I mean, have you ever seen National Geographic go film any crazy hillbillies?

The most well known hillbilly show, of course, was the Beverly Hillbillies. Many other fine educational programs designed to inform the world about the fine points of hillbilly life were produced over the years. Millions of people learned what a hillbilly was and how they behaved while they sat in front of their TVs. It was educational programming for the non-hillbilly (hillbilly challenged?) which presented a true life picture of hillbilly behavior.

Great educational classics such as Li’l Abner and Ma and Pa Kettle paved the way for a brighter future for humanity by providing the world with a historically and culturally accurate depiction of the hillbilly in his (or her) native habitat.

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Categories
Hillbilly Women Outhouse Humor

Outhouse Diving For Drunk Hillbilly Girl

Outhouse
Smurf Outhouse

I have never lived in a house where we had to have an outhouse, but I do recall family members who did. Whenever we went to stay with any of these people we knew that we were going to be trudging out to the outhouse in the middle of the night.

According to some stories there was a 12 year old girl who went out around midnight to go to the outhouse. A long time passed but she didn’t come back into the house. Her parents became very worried and went out to check on her. The outhouse door was shut so they knocked on the door, “Are ya in thar? (Spoken as one word ‘ar-yin-thar’)” There was no reply.

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Categories
Hillbilly Cooking

Hillbilly Cream Of Wheat

I do love Cream of Wheat and I do have a box in the kitchen. I think after I post this Cream of Wheat stuff I am going to go into the kitchen and fire up the old coal stove and run out to the well to get me some water and then I am a gonna make me some of that delicious Cream of Wheat (I wish they were paying me to say that but they aint).

Anyway, here is a Hillbilly Cream of Wheat recipe and an old old magazine ad which proves that cartoon characters have long been moonlighting in advertising. Humans are a commercial creature so it is completely normal for our fictional characters to be so as well.

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Categories
General Funny

Hillbillies Gather In Huge Numbers

Hillbilly Days is an annual festival held in Pikeville, Kentucky. Hillbilly Days is much like any other festival except there are hillbillies everywhere you look!

I have visited the Hillbilly Days festival a few times and I have to tell you that I am not too impressed by it. But that’s just me. The only part I really enjoyed for myself was the live bluegrass music and of course it is fun to watch the kids have fun.

As far as I can tell Hillbilly Days is just like any other festival I have checked out – over commercialized. Maybe it has always been that way, but it seems like when I was a kid there was a lot more to a festival than vendors selling highly over priced souvenirs and food.

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Categories
General Funny

Sadie Hawkins Day Hillbilly Women Running Amok

Sadie Hawkins Day Pin
Sadie Hawkins Day Pin

Have you ever heard of Sadie Hawkins Day? Sadie Hawkins Day is THE day that hillbilly women run amok! It is supposed to be a hillbilly thing, but it actually originated in 13th century Scotland. To be more accurate Sadie Hawkins Day is a fictional day that was created by Al Capp for the syndicated comic strip Li’l Abner.

Some of you may recall an old Li’l Abner movie in which they celebrated Sadie Hawkins Day. In the movie all of the single men were running for the hills trying to escape the ugliest women. Any man who was caught was doomed to marry the woman who cornered him and let me tell you, the uglier and more desperate the woman was the harder she tried!

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Categories
Hillbilly Tricks

When A City Boy Tricks A Country Boy

When I was growing up we moved around quite a bit. I changed schools a lot and experienced living in places ranging from the head of a hollow to the city. As a result I acquired an accent of my own; not ‘hillbilly’ and not ‘buckeye’. When I was in Ohio I was told I “talked like a hillbilly” but when I was in Kentucky I was told that I talked like a “buckeye”.

Once I was going to school in southeastern Kentucky, I think it was around the 6th grade. I was reading a book about edible plants and came across a plant called Jack in the Pulpit. The root of the plant is edible, however in its natural state it includes a chemical that mimics the hottest hot pepper you could find. Native Americans and old timers leached the chemical from the roots before using them for food.

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